by Marie Grieve, Founder, Costello Palmer Communications and Global Vice Chair, Women in BIM
Confidence begins to form when you stop trying to be everything and start noticing who you already are.
Confidence is often misunderstood. It is not about presence or performance, it is about self awareness and self trust.
To me, confidence is not something you perform and it is certainly not something you inherit fully formed. It is built over time, through experience, reflection and the willingness to understand yourself and who you are, your strengths, your likes and also who you want to spent time with.
At its core, confidence is the ability to be yourself without constantly editing who you are to fit the environment in front of you. That sounds simple, but in practice, it takes time.
I often say, positive things happen when you surround yourself with positive people – but that positivity starts with you!
Treating confidence as a destination
We often think of confidence as something we are supposed to arrive at once we have enough experience, the right title or the right level of external validation. But confidence does not work like that. It is not the outcome of success. It is what develops when you begin to understand yourself well enough to trust your own judgement and trust your own positivity.
In high performance environments, whether in sport, coaching or business leadership, confidence is never treated as something abstract. It is practical. Athletes for example do not build confidence by thinking about it. They build it through repetition, awareness, feedback and refinement. They learn how they operate under pressure, what supports their performance and just as importantly what does not. That understanding becomes their foundation and the world of business is no different.
From my perspective, leadership is not complicated, but it does require clarity. I value people who are clear on what they want and where they add value. However, clarity is not where everyone starts and it should not be forced.
Most people begin by exploring. Understanding what they enjoy, what they do not where they naturally like to contribute and where they perhaps do not operate at their best. That stage is not a weakness. It is necessary. The mistake is rushing past it.
Because if you do not understand yourself, confidence becomes unstable. You end up adjusting too often, overextending into spaces that do not suit you, or second guessing your contribution because you do not yet have a clear reference point for your strengths. This is where self awareness becomes the real work.
It means paying attention to what feels natural versus what feels forced. Where your energy is sustained versus where it drains. Where you contribute value without overthinking it. And just as importantly, where you do not.
I believe everyone has a super power
Not all superheroes wear cloaks! For some our super power is strength in leadership; direction, decision making and moving things forward when clarity is needed. For others, it is creativity; seeing possibility where others see constraint. Some bring structure and order. Some bring communication and connection. Some bring consistency and delivery when it matters most. None of these are interchangeable. And none are superior. But they only matter if you recognise them in yourself.
Confidence begins to form when you stop trying to be everything and start noticing what you already are. Not in an exaggerated way, but in a precise and honest one. The work you do well without forcing it. The situations where you add value without needing to overexplain yourself. The environments where you operate at your best. That is where conviction begins.
In my experience across marketing, communications and strategic advisory, particularly within complex industries such as the built environment and digital construction, progression rarely comes down to speed or visibility alone. It comes from self awareness applied consistently over time.
The people who move forward are not always the ones who move fastest. They are the ones who understand themselves and then make deliberate decisions based on that understanding.
They don’t try to be everything to everyone. They choose where they are effective and they commit to it. That is what grounded confidence looks like.
Understanding yourself
My view is simple: do not rush to become confident before you understand what you are confident in. Take the time to figure out who you are. What you are good at. What energises you and what does not.
Who you work best with. Where you naturally add value and when that clarity comes, do not dilute it to fit elsewhere.
Because confidence is not about becoming someone different. It is about becoming more consistent in who you already are.
And when that happens, you stop searching for confidence and start operating from it.
If you’d like to connect or continue the conversation around confidence, leadership and growth in professional environments, you can find me at Digital Construction Week 2026 talking about “Confidence building, professional growth and discovering personal power” on the Women in BIM Stand, D462 from 2.00pm BST on Thursday 4 June.
